Positive | Negative | Unbeknownst | Reverse
The mentor/mentee relationship is one of the most powerful accelerants not only for one’s career but for personal journey and development.
The magic of mentorship happens organically and can very rarely be forced or “asked for.” There must be a natural connection between two people for 3 of these 4 types of mentor relationships. Each person must have an open heart and mind for the process to be most effective. Mentors also may not last forever. While this can certainly occur, people come into our lives when we need them most and often, we can outgrow or move past that relationship. It took me some time to understand and accept this, as there have been times where I felt distressed someone wasn’t in my life as often as they once were. I learned that if we’re in tune with the present, people will show themselves naturally and it’s on us to be active and lean into the possibilities.
My mentor army started early in my life with my Uncle being a first-person I can remember having an impact on my work ethic, the pattern of positive Fatherhood and family life. Then in my teens, I had two baseball coaches that saw something in this punk kid and took me under their collective wings to nurture my leadership and work ethic to become the best player and teammate I could be. In fact, one of them took a chance on me for my first job after college, which set my career in motion. I still connect with him 30-years later. Not long after that first job, a gentleman named Tucker Greco came into my life through business connections when I was 26. He (so far) has had the most profound effect on me as a leader, business person, agency CEO and friend. Tucker passed a few years ago and not a day has passed that I don’t think about what Tucker would do or how he’d handle a situation. I love that man. From that point, there have been a few people that I’ve learned from – often unbeknownst to them – not only in business but in family, spirituality, health/wellness and more. One of these people happens to be one of my closest friends, Anson Carter. We talk almost every day and I learn from his stories, anecdotes and learnings from being a pro athlete and the journey he went on being one of the only black NHL players to pivoting to the broadcast booth. We share that we have two daughters and the same passion for helping underprivileged youth find their way through our soon-to-be-launched TEAM Hockey Academy.
To find a fruitful mentor/mentee relationship, we need to keep our hearts and minds open to the possibility. Stay in tune with the present for the people that come into your life each day, one of them could be a person that has a profound and everlasting effect on you. The key is staying open and in gratitude for that to happen. In my experience, there are 4 types of mentor relationships that you may come across on your journey: A positive mentor, a negative mentor, someone that becomes a mentor unbeknownst to them and a reverse mentor. Let’s go into detail on them:
Positive Mentors: Often this person has achieved a level that you aspire to also achieve. This could be an entrepreneur, someone that has created a beautiful family, an artist that sells their work, a musician, an athlete – anyone that somehow rose to the ranks of whatever it is you may seek to accomplish. These people can come into your life in any number of ways and the chemistry between you and them will be instantaneous. Maybe they see a part of them in you or were dealing with something the same way you are now. There is typically some level of plutonic affection that will spark the relationship in both directions, but usually from the mentor to the mentee. This cannot be forced. Asking someone to be your mentor usually fizzles out as they have to be open, willing and as passionate about it as you. This person will look out for you, be honest with you, be transparent about what you are doing well and what you need to work on. They will open their networks to you and share thoughts, ideas and projects that you may be able to work on together. This is a precious thing and I’ve watched many a mentee waste this opportunity. You will not learn any of what a mentor could properly short cut for you in school or in a book. You will take away mostly positive energy, positive direction and ideas from this person over the course of time. It is quite typical for the mentee to outgrow the mentor – move past them either in skills or career. This is OK and happens. A proper mentor will cheer you on, not keep you down because of their ego.
Negative Mentors: For me, negative mentor relationships were not up close and personal – they were observed from a distance, even though I may have been in close proximity with them. I learned what not to do, how not to lead, how to not behave, or how not to treat people. To be honest, I may have learned more from these people than from positive mentors. Certainly, I have made mistakes in my career, whether not reacting to a moment the right way or choosing the wrong decision on a path and I hope people in my sphere learned from those mistakes. Every leader would tell you this and if they don’t, they’re not self-aware or are lying. Keep your eyes open for these people, know that you can learn from them, as well. You will remember them as you move through your career as much as you will remember those that had a positive effect.
Unbeknownst Mentors: Robert Greene, Elon Musk, Jerry Colona, Richard Branson and Bobby Orr. These people are my mentors, too, they just don’t know it. I listen to their words, learn from their courage, am inspired by their creativity, fearlessness and often think of them when I am making a decision or have an idea to go in a new direction. Robert Greene as an author has written some of the most profound books that I keep all of on my nightstand, along with his protégé, Ryan Holiday’s forays into Stoicism. Bobby Orr, since I was a small boy, has always inspired me about how he went about his business, how he supported his teammates having only played less than 10-years in the NHL and is still revered as one of the best ever to play. Bobby then went on to have a very successful business career after hockey. I watch them all closely and learn from them, each day. You can find these folks anywhere and have as many as you want, that is the beauty of this type of mentor. All it takes is for you to keep your mind open and do the work.
Reverse Mentors: This mentor relationship usually takes hold later in your career. It requires placing your ego aside and opening your heart to the possibilities of what somebody much younger and less experienced may be able to teach you. For example, as a marketer one of the hardest aspects is staying current on emerging social media platforms and their impact on brands. Having younger staff in your company mentor/teach you about what’s cool and relevant is a great way to stay current. Create an operating mechanism to ensure that you are developing momentum on whatever it is you want to learn from reverse mentors. Sometimes, these reverse mentors could be your own children – I know I dialogue my teenage daughters as focus groups for brands, content and discussing what’s cool and interesting in the world.